Before The Veil
by alatariel-gildaen
Summary: Sirius, duelling with Bellatrix in front of the veil, reflects on his past. WARNING: OotP Spoilers.


Disclaimer: All characters belong to JK Rowling. The song is 'When Evil Comes' by Ocean Colour Scene.

A/N: I found I had to write this because every time I listened to this song, Sirius inexplicably popped into my head. When I thought about the lyrics I began to see why.

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_I don't like this anymore than you_

In fact I'm scared

At the top of the stairs

In the dark  
  
I had been jibing her. After so many years in Azkaban prison, this member of my so-called extended 'family' seemed to have lost her lightening quick reactions. She was once formidable in a duel, and it seemed to me that here was someone now useless. Useless, evil, and I hated her. Because of her master and his despicable little band of miscreants, my Godson had been put into mortal danger. I wasn't going to let her get away with that. So I laughed at her.

_Hey little girl where's your mama gone_

Has she left you scared

At the top of the stairs

In the dark

I saw her raise her wand. I thought nothing of it. So far her aim had been so bad, I thought she'd have had trouble hitting Buckbeak even if he'd been stood in front of her. She sent a curse in my direction. Bright red. A stunning spell. I ducked and laughed at her once more. There was nothing she could do to me. I felt full of anger, powerful, invincible, completely unbeatable. When the stunning spell hit me it came as a surprise. Not so much shock, but an absolute surprise. I still wanted to laugh, but found myself unable to. I began to fall backwards and realised in that split moment that this was it; the end of everything, my adult life wasted. No more second chances for me.

_Throw away all the dreams you had_

Slow and broke

And just for you

You were barely there

It's true. In those final few seconds your life really does flash before your eyes. So much of mine had been spent in darkness, and yet so much had been spent in sheer happiness. I'd made the best friends at Hogwarts anyone could ever hope for, and I saw all the good times I spent with them. James and I had made so many plans on leaving Hogwarts, and so few had actually come to pass. I saw the night before his wedding, (which had been the last time Prongs and Padfoot rode out together, we felt it a fitting finale to his 'stag night,') I saw the wedding itself. I recalled the first time I made love, the last time I made love, and all the times in between. Getting drunk at the Three Broomsticks on my eighteenth birthday, and being put in detention when we tried to sneak back into Hogwarts and I was sick all over the third floor corridor. I remembered Harry being born, James coming to me, tears of pride in his eyes, asking me to be Godfather to him, and feeling like a King, so high and honoured. I remembered talking to this beautiful girl I met when taking my apparition test, and thinking to myself, 'One day, I'll marry her.' I never saw her again. Now I never will. So many plans that never came to pass because of the evil in this world.

_It's too late for come backs_

And I've been wrong before

Now I need

I need no more

Except for you

Making up the sides

When I found Harry, or rather when Harry found me, it was a breath of air in my life. Twelve years of suffocation, of knowing nothing but hurt and misery, and suddenly I once again had a purpose. I couldn't be the most ideal Godfather anyone could hope for; being on the run leaves little time for leading a normal life. But that didn't matter. The Potters have been my real family, from the moment I met James. And I was determined that Harry and I be every bit as close as James had intended us to be. Again, another plan that has not come to pass.

I looked at her and noticed her now laughing. The tables had been turned. But it was too late. No more come backs. As I opened my mouth to call for help, all the darkness in the world seemed to flood inwards.

_The world won't listen_

And it gets me scared

Standing there at the top of the stairs

In the dark

Why couldn't anyone hear me? It must have been only a split second, but to me it felt as though an age had passed, and no-one was coming to my aid. Why not? Why wasn't my voice working? Why couldn't they hear me for gods sake? In the distance, over her shoulder, I saw Harry, staring at me, wide eyed and shocked, frozen in time and space. He would be the last thing I saw in this world. A friend, not an enemy. I made sure of that. I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of making my last sight that of a gloating, twisted visage. Nothing more to do now but step backwards into the abyss.

_Come on baby_

Let's lose this fear

And let's stand here

Where it's always fair

And never dark

The shouts had gone. It was silent, but not oppressively so. Peaceful. Gods, that word is over used, but it's the only description true and apt enough to apply. Peaceful. From a distance I could hear a voice. Male. It sounded familiar, but so far away in my past that I couldn't place it. Another voice. Female. Laughter, genuine laughter, coming from joy, not from mocking. Everywhere was dark, but slowly colours began to swim in my vision. Shapes appeared. People, also familiar. James, Lily.

Harry, my dear Godson. I'm still here. I always will be. But I'm sorry. My family has called me, and I can't go back. But if you need me, your father, or your mother, just search inside. You'll find us.


End file.
